Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize