her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
