Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
