I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
