Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
