Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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