the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
