two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
