Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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