Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
