Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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