im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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