He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
