she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
