im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
