now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
