Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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