u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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