I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
