know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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