He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Actions speak louder than pants.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
