I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
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