I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
