If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
