then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
