so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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