they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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