The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize
