I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
