we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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