i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He shit in the fireplace
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
