I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
