Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
