Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
