You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
