I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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