So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize