Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
