Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
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