the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
