her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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