I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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