I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
