How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
