he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
