So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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