I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
