I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
