Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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