what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
