just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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