Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
