Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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