Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
