I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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