everyone is single if you try hard enough
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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