i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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