i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize