i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
