She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
