He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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