We won't sleep together?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Everything about him screamed your future.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
