Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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