it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
