It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
