Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
