I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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