the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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