Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
