I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
