you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
