Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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